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Where did I go wrong?

This is for all the moms out there who feel my pain. I have no idea why, but Cole has decided that it's OK to hit other people. He is so aggressive, and bullies EVERY child that is smaller than him (which is almost everyone). Obviously we don't teach that hitting is acceptable, yet he continues to do it. I have gotten very consistent with how I punish him, and as I type this he is in his bedroom screaming--but I am at my wit's end. Do any of you have experience with this type of thing? I'm curious to know what worked for you. I realize that Cole is only 2...but having said that, I also know my son, and I know he knows better. Help!
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Kerry said…
My sister in law is going through the same thing. So I know you aren't the only one. I don't know what she's doing but I thought you'd be comforted to know that you aren't alone!
April 11, 2008 at 7:37 PM
JanaB said…
Hello my friend! Thanks for your kind comments on my blog. . . so, not that I am a mother, but I was the second parent (or so I felt) when my dad took off- my little brother was the most difficult 2 year old. . I have a scar from where he bit me. . . you sound like a great Mom. . . I always had to sit in my room when I was little. . .I will be home for a few days in May maybe we can all get together and play apples to apples!!!
April 11, 2008 at 10:58 PM
Greg and/or Angie said…
Here's my advice, feel comfortable in joining the largest club on Earth - the Parents Who Have a Kid That Hits Club. Basically, Cole is going through a stage that probably 99% of all humans have gone through, and therefore, you are going through what probably 100% of parents have gone through. We are proud to say that our 3 year old no longer hits much, Nathan now gouges eyes, scratches, and pulls hair. I think you are doing exactly what you should be, though. It seems like consistent punishment for doing that is the key to helping them start to put two and two together and figure out hitting others isn't worth it. If there is some secret out there, I don't know it. I think kids do this now because they get frustrated by the fact that it is difficult for them to verbalize what they want or need, and hitting is much more efficient. Knock a kid down and immediately you get what you want.
I know it's frustrating, especially when you are positive they know better. One day you'll just notice they don't do it anymore. But again, I think consistency is the key, so keep it up, you're doing a great job. Other than distributing an occasional black eye, Cole is an absolute dream of a kid, it could definitely be much worse.
April 12, 2008 at 9:56 AM
Raechal said…
I will agree with other commentors...I think nearly all kids go through this phase. At some point there is someone smaller and the bigger kid learns he can physically dominate. I think consistency is the key. When you let them get away with it they definately notice...and take advantage. Good luck! Just remember, it will pass....and then there will be some other thing that drive you crazy :)
April 12, 2008 at 1:43 PM
Danielle said…
OK- Please be advised, I've never been nominated for mother of the year...but I do a time out. If that doesn't work, and the hitting continues, they get a solitary time out. If they still continue to hit, I let them see how it feels. Then I talk to them about why it's not OK to hit because it hurts, and now they can see what they are doing to other people when they hit them. If that doesn't work, I bribe. So, if anybody wants to nominate me....
April 12, 2008 at 6:09 PM
janet said…
It is a stage that most kids go through, but it doesn't HAVE to last long if you are consistent with disciplining. I think you need to chose a consequence and be 100% consistent.. not 98% of the time.. kids are way smarter than we give them credit for and they will push every button to see if you will cave in.. even if it's one out of ten times. stay calm and let him know that he's not the ruler of the world and this too shall pass. I think.
April 12, 2008 at 7:23 PM
Kathy said…
i don't know how to handle this kind of sitch. . . my kids don't ever hit, or bite.

ser though - it's all about being consistent. just stick with it, and even when it ser seems like it's not working, it will. i look back sometimes and realize it's ONLY b/c i was consistent with not putting up with their crap, that they stopped the bad behaviour. . . . so that's my 2 cents. sor it's nothing grand.
April 12, 2008 at 9:50 PM
skcoe said…
Just STAY CONSISTENT. The most frustrating thing when watching parents of children that hit is that sometimes they reprimand or discipline, and sometimes they don't. There was a child in play group several years ago that would punch or BITE a child at least once at every outing. Sometimes the mom would say something or remove him from the situation, but often she'd shrug it off with a "kids will be kids" mentality.

True, kids WILL be kids, but they are testing their limits. Stay strong and eventually it WILL get better. Each child needs a different consequence for their actions, and whether it's a time out, leaving a fun situation, a stern word with mom in a corner, you'll find what's right and he'll learn that the behavior won't be tollerated.

We've all been there and understand! (My child currently slaps children in the face, tells them "no!" and pushes them off things, good times...)

GOOD LUCK!
April 12, 2008 at 10:06 PM
Cox Family said…
Oh man, I wish I had some advice for you! Akaila never had that problem, but Parker is starting to exhibit aggressive behavior at 15 months. For him I tell him no that it's ouch and if he does it again he goes in his crib. Maybe I'm mean to do it to a kid who can't even say mama yet,but I'd rather nip this one in the bud.

Hang in there, it sounds like you're definitely not alone!
April 13, 2008 at 6:44 PM
Al said…
I'd smack him around a few times, then tie him up and throw him in the closet for a couple of days. Worked for you.....
April 14, 2008 at 10:15 AM
Tristie hearts Dax said…
i clicked on "comments" so I could get advice. Keep up what you are doing. Stay completely nonreactive and ever consistant. The pros say it may get worse before it gets better. It is such a battle of wills so just stick to your guns and don't back down. I know how it feels to think I am a horrible mother when my kids act horrible. I just have to remember that they came with their own personality and their own agency. It is one rough ride sometimes! Hang in.
April 14, 2008 at 10:53 AM
Stephanie A. said…
When I have parenting questions (which I think every parent does) I typically first check out the askdrsears.com website, (put together by an entire family of doctors) they have tons of articles about all kinds of issues and different suggestions for how to respond. Thought I'd pass it along.
April 14, 2008 at 12:58 PM
Melissa said…
Spencer appreciates your concern and wanted me to tell you that you are a great Mom. Don't beat yourself up over it. Every child has their issues and we just do our best to teach them whats right. Cole is adorable and We love him to bits.
April 14, 2008 at 1:08 PM
Brittney said…
can i just have all your friends come teach me how to be a parent, nanny 9-1-1 style? thanks.
April 14, 2008 at 1:49 PM
dm said…
Several pediatricians in the valley are now ordering kid-let muzzels and nerf boxing gloves that auto-react in reverse whenever a child tries to hit in a forward motion. The muzzels come in several popular flavors, Dr. Salt n' Peppa being one of the most popular with Pickeled Arsenic coming in a close second. As for the boxing gloves; they are guaranteed to NEVER leave a mark (as long as you use the medium to sensitive setting). I'd use some caution when setting the dial to rock'em sock'em. There have been reports of mild concusions and the "dazed and confused" syndrome when using that setting. My philosophy has always been "he who head-butts first always wins!!!" Love Mom Miller. 5 kids and still mostly sane.
April 14, 2008 at 9:50 PM
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