I'm a granny

So I've been MIA lately because I re injured my back this past week. I have this ongoing issue with my dumb back that makes life pretty miserable sometimes. The simplest of movements/activities/stretches can somehow initiate a chain reaction of events that put me in excruciating pain for days &/or weeks at a time. Luckily for me last time it happened (one week from today, actually), Val was over and was immediately able to help with the kids and keep Cole from jumping on me as I lay on the cold tile floor of the kitchen for over an hour. I'm also counting myself lucky to be so blessed to have the priesthood accessible in our home...

For the first time since having back injuries, I actually thought I may have broken my back. It was freaky. Val and I both heard a snap as I was reaching down for a sippy cup. I immediately collapsed to the floor in pain and tried to assess the situation (which is really hard to do, by the way, when you can barely breathe from the pain). I called Danny at work and couldn't decide if we needed an ambulance or if I'd be ok. Like I said, it's happened several times in the past few years because of some bulging discs I have in my lower back--but I'd never heard an audible snap and I've never had the pain so bad that waves of nausea and dizziness hit me so hard. Danny hurried home from work and he and my grandpa gave me a blessing. I needed some clarity because I was in so much pain, I almost WANTED to call 911 and have someone take me away where I could get some morphine pumped into my veins but I've been there and it's expensive. After the blessing, I felt like things were going to be OK and that I hadn't broken my back. I decided that Heavenly Father wouldn't allow that to happen since we had only been without insurance for SIX days. Yep. Six days.

My mom just happened to have some muscle relaxers on hand and I happen to have some pain meds left from my semi-recent root canal. BLESSING. After an hour or so I was able (with lots of help) to get off the floor and move to the couch. Then a couple of hours I conquered the flight of stairs that I had FALLEN DOWN just a couple weeks prior, which was great for my back, I'm sure of it. The past week has been pretty rough emotionally because I of course feel like a total failure as a mother. Cole has probably loved his life though...movies all day, eating whatever he wants and tearing apart the house because I can't stop him. I am too tired/drugged/pained that I can't be a decent mom. I guess it's just temporary but it doesn't make it any easier in the meantime. I've had some help with Cole throughout the week and that has been HUGELY appreciated. Thank You again to everyone who helped.

Each day I feel a tad better but I'm still trying to take it easy and be good to myself.

This post is probably peppered with grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and nonsense but I just wanted to get it out there in case some of you are on pins and needles wondering where I've been (admit it--you have been).

Comments

katieo said…
Hey Rae, As a woman who is just coming out of the guilt-ridden stage of not being able to do even the most normal household tasks, much less care for the kids, I'm really sorry. My boys are on video game/tv/cereal-for-dinner STREAK and have loved every minute of it. But those days are gradually fading and they'll fade for Cole too. Your health is so worth it. Just get through it. (that was my mantra for like 6 weeks straight) I wish we lived closer, Cole could come over all day every day. He'd be in boy heaven. (As it is, if you want to pop him on a bus...lemme know..)
Erin said…
RAE! Tell me what to do and I'll do it. Take Cole off your hands for a day? Done. Bring in dinner? Done. Just tell me what you need. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
Shannon said…
Oh my! I wish there was something that I could do to help! Just take care of yourself, Cole will be fine! Hope you fell better soon!
Janessa said…
I'm glad someone was there to give you the good drugs! Back pain is awful. I'm sorry.
Get feeling better.
Use the power of your brain to heal your back...(j/k get well soon)
watkins said…
Rae I am sorry to hear about your back. It is no fun when you hurt and can't take care of your kids. I pulled my back one time and I felt so bad that I couldn't play with Matt but he was fine. Cole will be fine and will adjust. Just take care of yourself. Get well soon!!
Jen said…
Oh poor RaeLynn!! I was wondering what happened..I saw your status update on Facebook and got really worried. I wish I lived closer so I could come help out too. I'll keep you and your little family in my prayers though-feel better!!!
val said…
yeah for your new cell number. i'm going to give it a try.
bevany said…
Yay for Val being there. I'm so sorry about your back. I've never had it that bad...BUT I also fell down my stairs a few years ago (while holding my three week old baby) and I went to physical therapy for a while. Have you ever tried it? I was totally against it at first but I'm pretty much healed. When it starts hurting again I just start doing the exercises I learned. Anyways, I wish I lived close so I could help you. Get better soon!
karlin said…
sorry to hear about your back problems. i know from experience through my husband and there are few things worse.
mae said…
Gee, Rae, that is really rough! Cole will be alright. In fact, he is so young, he probably won't remember. So get yourself better first, mentally and physically, and then be the mom you want to be for him! If you have done your best, then you have done enough!

PS. I know it can get annoying, but reading books to him is a great thing to do when your stuck in bed. Eventually will memorize the books and you won't even have to pay attention! Its great!