Saying "No"

We're just jumping right in today. This is the hot topic lately in my head. It's SO hard for me to do. I'm still trying to change the way I think about things. I used to think that people who often said "NO" to things were rude, selfish and self-serving. Now I think they're on to something. Before I say much more, I want to make it clear that I think there are times when it's necessary to say "yes" even if you don't want to do something. But basically only if God tells you it's His will (whether through a calling or personal revelation). If He knows the beginning and the end--and I believe that He does--I need to trust in that.

But I'm getting off track like I so often do.

Saying "no".

I have a disease that is well-known to my demographic. I have a hard (sometimes nearly IMPOSSIBLE) time saying "no" to people. I don't want to disappoint them. I hate letting people down. I have always felt like I was dependable and that if you asked me to do something, not only would I do it--but I'd do it well. This is a double edged sword. And lately it has put me in a rather uncomfortable position. Besides, who walks around holding sharp swords?

I have finally reached a point in life where it's time to take my thanksgiving-sized dinner plate full of to-do's and start scraping off the side dishes. The proverbial turkey and stuffing can fill me up. I REALLY don't need cranberry sauce (mostly 'cause it's nasty), green beans (even if they're healthy) or sweet potatoes (with or without the marshmallows). I don't have room in my belly and everyone knows how you feel after Thanksgiving dinner if you stuff yourself silly. Nasty, tired, guilty even. But the food is all so good!

After a while, you forget how crappy you felt and then you do it all over again. Because there's leftovers and EVERYONE knows there are starving kids in Africa. So freakin' eat the food. The cycle begins again.

Such is my life and I'm STUFFED. So I've been scraping food off my plate, one side at a time. First, the mashed potatoes because even though I love them and I get joy from eating them--it's gotten to the point where it's not healthy for me because one small serving just isn't enough and before you know it, I've eaten half of Idaho. And that was just the potatoes!

Am I talking about food or responsibilities here? I'm starving...

In all seriousness, I am learning to say "no". It's not easy and sometimes I feel guilty and/or embarrassed because I know that I "should" be able to handle it. But right now, I'm just not handling it. So somebody else needs to. I know I'm being ambiguous here and there's a reason for it.

Mostly I just need to get it off my chest. I know I said a few posts ago that I was only going to post the happy things on my blog but I kind of forgot that this is MY blog and if reading about my struggles makes you uncomfy or embarrassed for me because I'm sharing more than YOU would share in my position--you can unsubscribe, shut down the 'ol browser or move on. Wow, that sounds mean. But, I won't take it back because I really do mean it. I even turned off comments on my blog because I wasn't sure if the reason I liked comments is because I need constant validation or if it's just fun to see people's reactions to what's new in our lives. I've finally decided that I don't need the validation. I enjoy the interaction and I've missed it.

So, comments are back.

And I'm hoping that very soon my plate will look a little more like this: