13 weeks

It's been a very interesting couple of months at this White House :) After over six years of hoping and praying for a new addition to our home, we have been blessed! It's quite the story and I'll give the reader's digest long version here. 

The first week of February was full of the same symptoms that I had been struggling with regarding my stomach/bladder issues. Peeing all the time, exhausted, emotional and just an overall feeling of being "unwell". After several days of me complaining that my face "felt tingly" (one of the first symptoms of my pregnancy with Cole), Danny convinced me to take a pregnancy test. I had taken so many in the past several years and had become so accustomed to the negative reading that I didn't want to subject myself to that pain all over again. I hadn't had a period since November and was so consumed with my health problems that getting pregnant was the furthest thing from my mind. I had some pregnancy strips left over from a large kit I bought online last Spring when we were preparing for our IUI. Within 10 seconds of peeing on the stick, it popped up with double lines. It had been so long since I had even taken that particular test that I couldn't remember what the double line meant so I had to get on the website and look at pictures that people had posted of their positive tests. Mine looked like theirs! But it was too good to be true. I took another one. Again, the double lines were as bright as could be. Clearly, the strips were expired. Or broken. Danny ran to the store to get a more reliable test and I got online to make sure that none of the medication I was taking for my health stuff and anxiety could produce a false positive. No results. I was baffled. As soon as Danny got home I took BOTH of the tests. Positive. I was almost believing it. I decided I'd better have blood work done to be sure. I couldn't handle the thought of getting my hopes up only to have them dashed. Cole went to play at Gma White's and Danny and I headed over to the clinic to get my blood drawn. The nurse said they'd call me with the results the next day and that if my HcG levels were over 1200 they'd want to do an ultrasound since my periods are so sporadic and basically can't be trusted :) The next day I got a phone call congratulating me on being pregnant and that my HcG levels were at 3700. Wow! At this point, I was about 75% believing this was real but I needed to see it on the ultrasound to truly believe. The longest week of our lives then took its sweet time and finally Wednesday rolled around and we anxiously went in for the ultrasound. After a 3 hour doctor visit, (seriously ridiculous), we saw a little heart flickering in a big black blob on the screen. That was my beautiful baby. It was finally real. We were starting to let ourselves believe. It was emotional and overwhelming to say the least. I wasn't yet measuring at 6 weeks so the machine wouldn't generate a due date. The doc wanted to see me back in 5 weeks for an additional ultrasound to get a better measurement of the baby so we could accurately predict the due date. 

Danny and I almost didn't dare to say it out loud. We were both so worried about a miscarriage. It's still something I worry about. I know that fretting won't do any good but it's hard to wrap my brain around the reality of this blessing. When you want something so badly for so long and then it finally happens, the fear of losing that blessing is daunting.

I was immediately taken off all the medications I was taking. I was worried about how my bladder would respond to going off the medication that was helping me find relief and comfort from the pain but I knew the Lord would help me. I was also taken off the meds I take for anxiety. This was the doozy. I knew it was going to be really hard. But I didn't realize how hard.

Then next 5 weeks were difficult. The nausea set in full force and the exhaustion was overwhelming. My body was going through serious shock and the withdrawals were almost too much to bear. One of the meds I had taken for over 7 years was a relaxant. I carry all my stress and anxiety in my neck and shoulders and suddenly there was nothing to stop the muscles from tensing up and going into full blown spasms. I had a trip to the ER where they gave me some morphine to get the pain under control and 10 lortabs. A few weeks later I was in Instacare but was turned away. The doctor wouldn't treat me. She said she truly felt sorry for me as she could see how much pain I was in but she didn't want the liability of treating me with pain medication and having a negative affect on the baby. It's understandable but maddening to be in that much pain and be turned away empty handed.

I tried yoga. I tried acupuncture. I tried relaxing and getting my mind off the pain. Nothing helped. I was in bed for basically 2 months. Somehow I managed to show up to Brad & McCall's wedding (saving my lortabs for that very long day). It was a beautiful day and I'm glad I was able to participate in it but it sure did a doozy on my back and  neck. I was withering in pain for days afterwards. We were away from the house from 9 AM to 9 PM and I came home and collapsed. If it weren't for those 2 lortabs I saved for that day, there is no way I could have survived.

We told our families at 8 weeks because I knew I couldn't hide it much longer and family dinner wasn't going to be easy on me and my pathetic appetite. We told my side of the family in person at family dinner. Cole "had something he wanted to tell everyone". After randomly getting nervous and stalling, I think most people suspected something was up. He said he needed my help so I whispered in his ear what we had practiced him saying. After what seemed like an eternity he finally spit out the words, "I'm going to be a big brother!" It was quite the surprise. We were kind of lame and told Danny's side of the family via email because I had missed family dinner on the White side and we figured if we were going to tell my family, we ought to tell them both :) It was fun to share the  news and see the reactions. It somehow made feeling so lousy a little more worth it because it was suddenly more real and I had more people to share the excitement with.

When we thought I was 11 weeks, I went in for my next ultrasound and I left in tears because even though everything looked good and I heard the baby's heartbeat, my due date was pushed back an entire week and that seemed like a lifetime. The things that pregnant women cry over :) Danny told me I should make the announcement official on FB because it would help me feel better to see the happy reactions. He turned out to be right. Facebook did NOT disappoint. I shared this picture:

Coloring eggs! One for each member of our family:)

If you're still reading this--wow. You rock.

I'm currently doing physical therapy twice a week for my neck and am still fighting with the pain but I'm hoping it'll subside soon here. I'm starting to get my energy back slowly and I'm not quite the zombie I was a few weeks ago. I have been blessed with amazing family and ward members who have helped a ton with bringing meals. It has been SUCH a help to Danny who has basically taken over everything. He is a total rockstar and I absolutely couldn't do this without him.