Massive Recap

I have been wanting to blog for a while now.  It's such a good way for me to look back over the last little while and see how much has gone on.  I never realize how busy I am (most of the time) until I look at what we've gotten done.  No wonder I'm feeling so tired!

I had to get rid of my "I love winter" template because I couldn't live a lie.  It just wasn't true.  I am so sick of this nasty weather that I am ready to hop on the next plane and fly off into the sunset.  Anywhere but here (or Haiti). I'm not trying to be disrespectful of what has gone on, I just seriously wouldn't want to go there right now.  It's time to start celebrating Valentines Day because I'm ready to get rid of the grey skies and ugly smog.  Let's hope that the groundhog doesn't see his shadow.

News as of late:

Probably the most important news is that I accidentally shaved off half of my eyelashes on my right eye.  Worst. Thing. Ever.  I was using a little razor thing to shape my eyebrows and I moved my hand ever so slightly in the wrong direction and I heard that dreaded "zzzz" sound signifying that I had cut some hair.  Unintentionally.  So, if you've seen me lately and my face looks a little "off" that is why. My apologies.  I have to admit that the first day it happened, I almost skipped church because I was so mortified. I've had to use several tactics to try and cover it up.  Fake lashes didn't work so that's good to know for future (and inevitable shaving mishaps).  If my eyelashes weren't such a prominent feature on my face I wouldn't be making such a fuss about this but truly this has been extremely embarrassing for me.

Work is keeping me super busy.  I am loving what I do.  Lots of you might not know that I actually started out my college days in Elementary Education.  I earned a presidential scholarship at UVSC (now UVU) and even though I loved my classes, I'm guessing I was a little bit retarded because I wanted to change my major to psychology.  Then when I got a 3.7 instead of a 3.75 I lost my scholarship and that was the end of my elementary ed.  P.S. Psychology was a dumb major.  I should have stuck with what I was doing. I have always loved school.  I was one of the "front row" kids.  I loved learning, homework (until High School) and stressed out about getting the best grades I could.  Being in this environment has been so fulfilling for me.  I can't believe how much I missed the students during winter break.  I was so happy to see their little faces when I got back. It was a long 3 weeks! I've started working more hours and even though it's been hard getting up earlier (I'm SUCH a weakling when it comes to getting up before 7 AM) I am really loving it.  I've decided that I want to get a Masters degree in education.  My patriarchal blessing talks specifically about me teaching and leading the future generations in truth and I can only hope that teaching young children will be a part of that.

My journal writing has been...eh...pretty good... (like the first 8 days).  Having said that--it's amazing that after a few days go by I feel like I have so much to write about.  It's funny that just reading over the last month has been interesting and fun.  I love this new resolution of mine and even though there are a MILLION other things I could/should be working on, I'm going to work on this until I get into the habit.

In other news, I am officially the crappiest mom of all time.  I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know how to discipline Cole.  He seems to be the exception of so many "rules".  I'm finding that most advise I get from people just doesn't work with him.  I've run out of ideas...so just pray for me (and for him) because this could get ugly. He doesn't care to start pooping in the toilet, he's so stubborn and is becoming increasingly difficult to reason with.  I'm honestly not sure what to do at this point.  He's not a bad kid, I just think I don't know what I'm doing as a parent.  I'm not sure Heavenly Father knew just how clueless I am when he sent Cole down to our family.  Maybe I should just stick with a dog? I am probably totally screwing up my child...and that's a little bit depressing.

On to happier news, I have the BEST friends in the entire universe slash milky way (which ever is bigger, I'm not exactly sure).  I am just feeling really blessed lately.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  It doesn't matter where we live, I have great friends.  There are good people everywhere we go.  I really struggled with moving to Riverton with my parents.  It was so hard for me to leave our friends and apartment (well, not so much the actual apartment because it was dreadfully dark and cave-like) but not only was I leaving the friends I loved but I was moving into a place where people are in a much different situation than us.  More established, homes, yards, more kids, etc. and that was really intimidating to me.  I knew it wasn't going to be the same...and even though it isn't the same--it's good and I love it.  Living with my parents isn't ideal (let's be honest, it's REALLY hard for everyone sometimes) but living in this neighborhood and ward is awesome.  I feel very comfortable and welcome here and that is priceless to me.  I got together with some "old" friends over the weekend and it amazes me how when we see each other it's like no time has passed.  I think that's the mark of true friendship.

As the only girl in my family, I always struggled with not having a sister.  I resorted to dressing my youngest brother up as a girl (which I'm sure he secretly loved) but it never fulfilled my yearning to have a big sister to talk to and go shopping with or a little sister to tease or style hair with.  I see my friends who are best friends with their sisters and I have to admit that it makes me jealous.  They are built-in best friends.  I guess that's why I'm blessed to have such good girlfriends everywhere I go.  Heavenly Father knows I need that and he has sent it in the form of sisters-in-law and sweet friends.  I still wish I had a blood sister...but unless there's something I don't know--4 brothers will have to do :) No offense brothers...

Mmmmm, I can't think of anything right now.  I'm sure something will pop into my head right after I post this.  Adieu.

Comments

I'm so glad you updated. I know what you mean about winter. I have almost bought myself a plane ticket for someone warm about a million times this week. Luckily (or not so unluckily) the bank account always talks sense to me and reminds me that I can't. :) As for potty training, all I can say is that I'm afraid Maddy will be the same way. She's a stubborn cuss. I think you're a great mom.
bevany said…
Winter is the worst season ever. I'm still not sure why I live in Utah. I can't wait until spring.
I have a cousin who pooped his pants until he was at least 10 or 11. That's meant to make you feel better than he's only four...not make you worry even more. I would just let him take his time with it. You are NOT a crappy mom. You're way too hard on yourself. I have no control over my almost four year old. It's not fun, but what can you do? AND fyi...dogs won't poop in the toilet either :)
Onto another subject :)
It's so good to hear there's someone else in the world without a sister who is jealous of girls with sisters. My husband's sisters (still after 9 years) refuse to let me into the family and treat me like a sister. I could cry about not having a sister every single day, but there's nothing I can do about it. Thank goodness for good friends is all I have to say. Especially ones whose sisters live far away (Lacie)...or without sisters themselves.
I feel your pain, girl. Let's be next door neighbors and adpot each others as sisters, ok? (sorry for the novel)
ps- sorry about your eyelashes. Fingers crossed they grow back fast!
holly said…
hey....my degree is in psychology and the i have a teaching certificate. psychology really helped me when working with children with disabilities & disorders....i still love you (even with half your lashes & i totally didn't notice it at church! was it this week?)

and....sisters are the best thing ever! except when they move across the country and leave you with only your three brothers behind!! i'm down the street whenever you need a sister-fix! we can talk about our kids refusing to use the toilet ;)
Great post! I love it! I totally understand about the non-sister thing. I also feel really blessed to have great sisters-in-law and awesome friends. And I agree about the mark of a true friendship - I love getting together and feeling like I'm at home. Just picking up where we left off. It's awesome!

And you are a great mom! I don't know if anyone has ever told you to just go ahead and put Cole back in diapers? I just thought about that....but I don't really know what I'm talking about because King will be 3 in a couple of weeks, and I haven't even tried the whole potty training thing yet. Don't worry, there will be a day when he'll use the toilet.

Love you Rae!
Lanette said…
I totally appreciated the massive recap...I was missing you,Rae. And about Cole and being a crappy mom. Not true. I've felt the same way about Lincoln more consistently than with any of my other kids. It's such a yucky, destructive-to-your-spirit kind of feeling. I know people have given you well intended advice. Here's more...heh heh...because you LOVE other people's adivce:(. I read this book, "The Strong-Willed Child," by Dr. James Dobson. Let me just say that when I'm in the middle of my Lincoln-crisis, which is often, I read the book again. I'm reminded about the areas that I've "let go," so to speak in my parenting with Lincoln. I even just read a few pages and I am empowered, hopeful, grateful that someone can describe my feelings, and determined to help Lincoln through his hard life with respect and love for me as his parent and love for himself because he's learning about why being responsible for his behavior is important:) (gosh, that was a long sentence). He offers totally practical ideas, suggestions, I love it. I believe it. Maybe it's just one more thing to try...who knows.

My sis-in-law gave me great comfort when I was going through an especially "down" time with myself as a mom to Lincoln. She told me to really imagine what Captain Moroni was like as a kid, or Nephi, or Jesus, for that matter. All these strong men I am SURE were not passive, compliant little boys. Yeah right. They were strong, opinionated, smart, independant, and no-doubt, had their share of troubles with behavior. They had patient mothers, mothers who channeled them for right. And YOU are just such a mother. Love you. Sorry for the novel. I just feel so strongly about this and I want you to know you're not alone. Cole will be a awesome young man. He will.
Lanette said…
Oh, and consider me another non-blood-sister:).
I've always thought that ages 3 and 4 were A LOT worse than the "terrible twos" because they are more strong willed and know more of what they want. They just still lack rational thought and it's almost impossible to reason with them. It's very frustrating. You are an awesome mom and don't tell yourself any differently. Cole is seriously one of the happiest kids alive and that's what you want.
Angie
jennie said…
I have a nephew who's 4 & still poops in his pants. He just doesn't want to go in the toilet even though he knows how. And he's my sister's 4th to potty train. She's at a loss too. Each child is different. She has determined that she'll tell him he can't go to Kindergarten until he poops in the potty. We'll see!

I laughed at your eyelash story. I'm obsessed with my eyelashes & I pull at least 1/2 of them out all of the time. Nervous habit I guess. So, I've gotten really good at the fake eyelash thing - which never looks right, but I do it anyways.

And I think you have such wonderful girl friends because you are such a wonderful friend yourself. You just draw great people to you. I'm not really in contact with you much anymore but you're just one of those people that really made an impact on me for the short amount of time that we associated daily. Such good days! :) You're a sweetheart & so "human". I just love ya!
Sherion said…
I know how you feel with Cole. Both my kids struggle with pooping in the toilet. Also I don't have any idea how do discipline Aislynn. No matter what I do, it doesn't phase her.
janet said…
I could comment on every single paragraph, but I will try to make it short.. These are the best kind of posts (for your own documentation purposes)

Can't believe that happened to your eyelashes. I burnt a huge chunk of my bangs in college. Val can tell you about it, it was bad. Eyelashes might be worse, though ?

Good luck with Cole. Just know that eventually he will soon get it. don't be too hard on him or yourself.

And sisters are the best. I don't want to have just ONE girl for that very reason (although I would take one girl over none.) But even when you have 4 awesome sisters, it sucks when they don't live next door to you.. you have to find substitute family wherever you are. It's so important to feel close with others... it makes ALL the difference! love ya Rae!
Kathy said…
you are not a crappy mom - i know this. there are days (or weeks or months, heh) when i feel like i have failed as a mother and can never redeem myself. hold on to the good days. they get me through all the others.

i have sisters - but they aren't my bff. . . does that make me evil? not that i don't love them. . . but anyway - having good girlfriends is mass important no matter what :)
Raechal said…
Raelynn, I didn't get through your whole post, cause the baby's crying and I gotta go...but I had to tell you this! You are doing fine, I know you, you couldn't do any less than your best. As far as the potty training, it's totally out of your hands. I went through the same thing with Owen. At some point you just have to let them have control (they actually do already and that's why its so frustrating!). You aren't alone and you're doing a great job! I know how it feels when your kid is the only one not potty trained, but he'll get it eventually...I promise :)