Caleb Part 2
Monday and Tuesday brought visitors and the hope that Caleb would soon be up in our room with us. It was tricky to juggle being in my room when my meds and meals were delivered and being down with Caleb when they wanted me to try nursing him. They run a tight ship in the NICU and they don't mess around. If we weren't there when they told us they were going to feed him--they started without us and I really wanted to try nursing as much as possible. The docs were still very positive about how quickly his blood sugars were balancing and they attributed that in large part (this is going to sound braggy but it made me feel so good) to how tightly I managed my diabetes while I was pregnant. The charge nurse said when they first saw him and saw his numbers, she figured he'd need a central line and and much more time to let his body stabilize. They were all totally shocked by how quickly he adjusted and was able to wean off the sugar water in the IV.
I didn't remember to take pictures of all his visitors but here are a few:
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| Uncle Willie |
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| Uncle Scott W. |
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| Gma Miller |
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| Aunt Laura & Aunt Amy |
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| Aunt Amanda |
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| Uncle Scott M |
The blood glucose came back in the 70's and we were good to head up to our room! The doctor did a quick evaluation for some other things that they had been monitoring and within a couple hours--Caleb was up in room 214.
We were thrilled. It was so nice holding him with no wires attached! We quickly changed him into an outfit we brought from home.
Cole was a bit standoffish and we were trying to get him to hold him or help feed him or ANYthing. Finally, he was good with helping to hold the bottle.
Grandma & Papa arrived
I ate a fiber bar thinking that would help me get things moving. I was wrong and I paid for it later...in sharp, stabbing gas pains. Lesson learned.
Caleb thought that was pretty funny.
One of my favorite stories of Cole and Caleb so far is when Cole held him for the first time. It took a lot of coaxing on our end and he finally agreed to do it but it only lasted a minute or two. Eventually he said, "Dad, he is kind of making it so I can't breathe". I know how he felt...I carried him around inside me :)
We even took a stroll around the maternity floor a few times so I could get "things" moving again. I was much better about that this time around and I could totally tell a difference with my recovery. Even though every single step felt like knives stabbing me all over the abdominal area--I knew it'd be worth it. I know that sounds like I'm exaggerating but that is honestly how it felt.
Danny had originally planned to go home with Cole and my parents that night but I was feeling really anxious about being alone for the first time with Caleb and still not feeling all that great. I was really wishing Danny could stick around. My parents offered to take Cole home and get get him off to school the next day so Danny was able to stay another night. I was so grateful because it ended up being a night I needed him more than ever. When it was just Danny, Caleb and I, the night nurse came in and said she needed to take him for his nightly weigh-in. She said she wouldn't be gone long
She said she'd be right back with him but was gone for like 45 min so I knew something was up. We walked down to the nursery and saw him being monitored by one of the nurses. She was counting his respirations. She saw us and let us in so she could explain that he was breathing really fast and that she needed to call the pediatrician. It was about 10:30-11:00 PM. He was really hungry and was going to town on his binky. I asked of I could nurse him and they said no because he was working so hard to breathe that eating would be even more work and he could choke or something. It was for his "safety" but I felt like they were making me sit and watch him starve and I couldn't handle it. They wouldn't even give him a bottle. They ordered a chest x-Ray to see if his heart was enlarged and wanted to do some blood work to check for an infection. Danny and I went back to our room and just cried. Of course when we left Caleb's side, he held on to Danny's finger like he didn't want us to leave and that was gut wrenching for Danny. It's a feeling you can't explain unless you've experienced it yourself. I felt like he was going to end up back in the NICU and it was such a let down.
A couple hours later, they came back in to the room where Danny and I were anxiously waiting. No infection and the x ray seemed fine but he was still breathing too fast. Basically he was panting. The nurse said we could do skin to skin for 5 minutes and then they had to take him back to the NICU for further monitoring. One of the nurses kept saying "that little stinker just wants to go hang out in the NICU" or something similar to that and it was infuriating me. I was hormonal and disappointed and it wasn't the right thing to say. So once they left us alone, I did skin to skin with him and we had a family prayer which we both cried through and then they came back in and whisked him away. I was sobbing when she took him from me and just kept saying how sad I was that he had to leave and that it wasn't fair. I hated that nurse for taking him away. Tuesday night was rough. It was about 2 AM when they took him so we didn't get much sleep. I was so worried and depressed. The next morning we went down as soon as we could and he was in a different part of the NICU. Suddenly he was on oxygen, was under bilirubin lights and they had ordered an echo-cardiogram for further testing on his heart. Seeing him like this just broke my heart. Even when Cole was in the NICU it didn't affect me so much and I'm not sure why. I really allowed myself to be sad about it and I think it was healthy for me to cry about it. I remember trying to be strong and not get emotional about things with Cole but it just built up and then when the flood gates opened, it was ugly. This time around was much more therapeutic.
The next couple days were basically me back to juggling trying to be in the NICU when they fed Caleb so I could try to nurse, pumping up in my room, trying to get my pain under control and trying to not get too bummed about him being back in the NICU. His echo came back inconclusive so they scheduled another one for Friday. I was set to go home on Thurs so I knew we'd be leaving the hospital without him :( There was a lot of miscommunication between the NICU and us about the echo (why it was ordered, what the results were, etc.) and it was frustrating. In fact there was a lot of miscommunication between us and the NICU in several areas but we knew they were doing their best and that when you have that many people managing your care, things are bound to get lost in translation occasionally.
Dining in the room to keep Mom company
Trying to keep Cole entertained was tricky. He got pretty bored after a few minutes of seeing his brother laying there doing nothing :) This was Danny's solution and it worked for a while.
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| The washing station |
Cole didn't know what to think about the bililights...
I'm sad that I'm not in very many of these pictures. It was usually painful to hold him because he was so heavy and I was super uncomfortable. Usually I had to have a pillow between my incision and Caleb. I ended up being the photographer (like usual).
Eventually he was off the oxygen and the main bililights. He had graduated down to just the biliblanket. He was our little glow worm.
I was discharged on Thursday morning and was able to get a picture with a dear friend from my ward growing up (who was actually my nurse on Wednesday). I was so thankful to have her for my nurse the day after Caleb was taken away again because she was easy to talk to and was very attentive to my needs. Talk about tender mercies from above. It was hard leaving the hospital without Caleb. It's a terrible feeling to leave the newest member of your family behind when you leave.
Meanwhile, they were still running tests and taking Caleb's blood and his poor heels were so pathetic looking. I couldn't believe how much blood they needed each time they tested him for something. He was such a trooper!
On Friday they told us that if the second echo came back looking good, they'd discharge him the next day which was Conference Saturday. We were so excited. They also said we could dress him in our own clothing which we did as soon as we could. Getting a baby discharged from the NICU is intense. They have all this training the parents have to do and you have to do a carseat test and other things to prove that the baby will be able to handle "real life" outside the close monitoring of the NICU. Friday was spent doing the CPR training, carseat safety and some other basic stuff.
Finally Saturday came and after a few more hours of discharge training we were free to take him! It was so awesome to disconnect him from the leads, dress him all up and put him in his carseat. I had nightmares on Friday night that somehow something would come up and they'd say they had to keep him at least one more night.
Danny telling us to pretend like we're walking :) He was cracking me up. We were a little bit giddy.
Our NICU nurse was awesome. We had a couple different ones but the one we had the last few days was my favorite. She was so cute and excited for us to be able to take Caleb home. The protocol for taking home a baby kind of makes me laugh. She has to carry him out, we have to put him in the car and then she has to check and make sure it's all secure and good. Check, check and check.
Of course I had to sit in the back seat by him and just stare at him the whole way home (after a quick stop to Chick-Fil-A, natch).
The rest of that weekend is kind of a blur. I just know that it was good to have my boys together at home. I'm so grateful that the NICU exists and that even though it was hard having Caleb away from me--there are a group of people who are highly trained in taking care of babies who range from being very, very sick to babies like Caleb. I know it could have been much worse and a week in the NICU really isn't much compared to some preemies who stay for months. It is a special place of healing and miracles and I have nothing but respect for the people who work there and have their babies there. I am also extremely grateful for health insurance because we just got Caleb's NICU bill and we'd have to pull a "Fun with Dick and Jane" and become bank robbers to find that kind of cash :)
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