Rollercoaster

This is my life right now. Up, down, crazy, and then some more. I'm due for an update since so much has happened. Jenn, this post is dedicated to you :) So, since my last health update, my doctor called off my surgery because we both felt like my symptoms were improving enough that surgery wasn't necessary. I also learned that the surgery doesn't help everyone. In fact, some people's symptoms get worse after the surgery and some people only feel better temporarily afterwards so I'm glad we didn't do it. This picture made it's way to Instagram after I left my doctor appointment:

"This is the face of a girl who just got to cancel her surgery date!"

 #prayerswork #miracleshappen #happy

That was a happy day. After basically eating only squash, ground beef, turkey, quinoa, eggs, raw almonds and sunflower seeds for 3 weeks, I am finally able to start adding in other foods to my diet. One food at a time for 3 or 4 days. The catch here is that I have NO CLUE how my body will react to the new food. It might react just fine and it might cause a flare up. Having that kind of unpredictability in my every day life has caused major anxiety and stress which, ironically enough, also causes a flare up. So this is the part where even though I was doing better, now I'm doing worse (in a sense). I basically can't be reliable at work because I have no control over how my body is going to handle a certain food and if I'm feeling anxious about something, my symptoms are back in a major way. After much prayer and lots of tears, I decided to give my notice at work. I wanted to give a heads up to the Assistant Principal the night before since she's the one who referred me for the job and she has been an absolute angel. She emailed me back and said everything I needed to hear. That she would hire me again in a heart beat, that she would refer me again to anyone and that she totally understands that this is a situation that is out of my control. She was so sweet. So, I went in to the Principal's office  the next day and managed to hold back the tears while I humbly gave her my notice. I told them I'd stay until they found a replacement and that I wouldn't bail on them. She's very understanding and I honestly think they're probably relieved too because it'll be better having someone there who is healthy. I've always gotten a substitute to cover me, but it's so emotionally taxing to call in sick and then worry what other people are thinking (okay, mostly just this one individual who will remain nameless) Like if they think I'm just a baby or can't handle the job, etc. Every job has its days but honestly, the job isn't bad. If I wasn't up to my eyeballs in my health drama, I'd stay. I work with great people and it's super convenient. For some reason, it's just not in the cards for me right now. It's been really humbling and if I'm being honest (which I am--because I like to keep things real), really humiliating. I think because of the nature of what's going on. I can't just be like, "my shoulder is dislocated and I'm in pain" or "I just cut my toe off and I'm hurting here". It's a chronic problem that deals with peeing a lot... and bladder pain...so, yeah. Not exactly dinner table conversation. It's embarrassing. I feel like I'm too young to deal with all this but what do I know? Not more than Heavenly Father, that's for sure. So, while I do feel a sense of relief that soon I won't have to have that pressure on me everyday, I do worry a little bit that I'll start to get cabin fever and go crazy because I tend to do that every winter anyway...

Hopefully I can keep busy or get out of the house with other things if I'm having a good day. Plus, heaven knows there are plenty of things around here that need to get done. Oh yeah, and if we could just hurry and find an awesome house at a great price, that'd be terrific.