Blog Strike

With the Writer's Strike coming to an end soon (that's the buzz anyway), I figured it was time to start my own. Actually my intentions aren't to try to make anyone change, or feel like they are doing something wrong. I'm just exercising my agency. Last night was a doozy. I started looking at the usual blogs I read, and I was enjoying myself. Somehow, about 20 minutes later I found myself completely unhappy, discontent, and overall just an ornery little thing. I think that blogging is a wonderful thing, and it's fun that so many people have started participating in it. I guess I'm just too insecure to go "blog hopping". I know I seem to mention this a lot, but it's because I think about it a lot. I know people who won't blog because they feel that they can't appear as fun or talented as others. I know people who blog and are so consumed with what others may think of them, that they omit things from their blogs on purpose. I also know people who write WAY too much information on a public forum, and it makes me seriously uncomfortable to read so much about their lives. And then we have the inbetweenies. I like to consider myself one of those. I hope nobody ever reads my blog and thinks "wow, she's got it made" or "if only I was more like her". Let's be honest--the very fact that I'm even considering the idea is embarrassing to me. I know I'm not icon status. I'm just doing my best to get by. In fact, I bet most of you don't know the internal challenges that pull at me every single day. I'm not trying to say that I have a harder life than anyone else, because that is completely false. I guess I just want you rest assured that I'm not trying to portray an ideal. I'm trying to portray reality. Someday I hope the two are synonymous. At this point--it's a long shot at best.

For some reason, I have developed this horrible habit of feeling like I don't measure up to everyone around me. It is something I constantly struggle with. I admit that I'm extremely frank and open about most things in my life. But when it comes to this--I hold back quite a bit. I don't like people to see this particular weakness. It's my pride. The only thing I can think to do about it, is avoid it. If an alcoholic is trying to stop drinking--they'd better stay away from the bars. If a chain smoker can't kick the habit--it'd be pretty dumb for them to have cigarettes lying around the house. If a blogger struggles to maintain a healthy sense of self-image and/or worth from looking at other blogs, that blogger needs a break. Not forever. Just until they figure things out for themselves.

To sum it up--if I don't drop by your blog every day and comment, please don't feel bad. Don't be offended if you comment on my blog, and I don't comment on yours in the next 48 hours. I really don't know who all reads this blog...and I'm actually considering taking it private. But until I decide what to do--just be patient, that's all I ask. My blogging strike begins...now.